How to do a Lingam massage
As a woman, I don’t know what it would be like to have your penis completely adored and adored for hours on end – but I imagine it would be pretty fantastic! I happen to be a worshiper and I like to pay homage to what in Tantra is called a Lingam – which loosely translates to ‘Wand of Light’. In the physical sense, it is what we might call the penis. The Tantra definition expands the view of the male genitalia beyond the physical – the male is a pure laser beam of consciousness, raw energy and single-minded focus. A Lingam massage is about worshiping that consciousness and giving a man the space to relax into his body and expand his consciousness to receive even greater pleasure.
This type of massage can also help men work through sexual trauma or negative sexual conditioning if given a massage partner with enough gentle patience. Orgasm is never the goal of Lingam massage, although it sometimes happens and is often much more intense than normal orgasms. The real purpose is to massage the Lingam, testicles, perineum and “sacred spot” (more on that later – it’s the male equivalent of the female G-spot) to encourage a man to explore the edges of his ability to receive pleasure.
Training
You can bathe or shower together first. Make sure you’ve both been to the bathroom before you start because you won’t want to interrupt the flow if one of you needs to use the bathroom.
You need a quiet space, preferably dark, with a bed, or a mattress on the floor, or even just pillows. You can put a sheet over them, in case you get any oil. The temperature in the room should be a little warmer than normal since you’ll both be naked, so you may want to turn up the heat. Lighting many candles in the room also helps generate heat and keep the room light. You’ll want to make sure you have an open window of time where you won’t be disturbed, preferably a few hours. Remember to turn off all your phones and if you live with others, you can even put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door.
Music is good for setting the mood, but make sure it’s something in whichallthe songs are appropriate. There’s nothing quite as annoying as a discordant piece of music suddenly playing when you’re trying to relax. Make sure the playlist has a “repeat” feature so you don’t have to stop to press “play” over and over again.
Lubricants and oils should be somewhere close at hand. Try to get leak proof bottles and use plastic rather than glass. (Knipping a bottle of massage oil over and breaking it makes a huge mess and does a lot to ruin the mood!)
If you are giving this massage, you should remind your partner that their communication with you is key. Make sure they feel comfortable making requests or comments. He should know that it’s about his comfort and pleasure, and if he needs a break, or if the room is too hot, or the touch is too light or too hard, he can and should speak up and say something. You can often encourage him by asking, “Is it too loud?” or “Is the temperature ok?”
The first thing you should do is breathe together. Breathing is how we make love to the divine. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe deeply into your abdomen. You should be facing each other (or standing, if you prefer). You can hold hands or hold each other, whatever makes you both feel good.
Lingam massage
The massage begins with the man lying on his back, usually with something under the hips to raise them a little – a pillow (cover it with a towel). He can put a pillow under his head whether he likes it or not, whichever feels more comfortable. Make sure he’s relaxed and really comfortable before you start, because he’ll be in this position for a long time.
You should sit between the man’s legs, legs crossed, feet apart, knees up and slightly bent. You should keep looking into his eyes and breathing with him. Remind him often of his breathing. If you find he’s holding his breath, you can place your hand on his lower abdomen and remind him to breathe from that space, to “fill his belly” with his breath. Practice this a few times before you start.
The Lingam massage begins with a slow, sensual massage of the rest of the body. Massage his legs, chest, abdomen, arms. This is a long, slow process. Advance the massage slowly into the inner thighs and pelvis until he is breathing deeply from his belly and his body is free of tension and completely relaxed.
Then, and only then, should you approach the Lingam. This is a sacred act and a powerful one. You should ask his permission to touch his “Wand of Light”. You can simply say the words, “May I touch your Lingam?” or you can ask more formally, “Can I touch your Wand of Light?” Any reaction or response he has is normal. Treat it with care, no matter what.
If he gives you permission, pour a small amount of massage oil onvery good quality or water-based lubricant on the Lingam and testicles. Oil quality is important. This area of the body is very sensitive and the skin can get irritated quickly if the oil is not of high quality. He rubs the oil into his skin and then starts at the top of his inner thighs, in the crease where his legs meet the base of his pelvis. You work along the bone and the muscles that connect them, releasing the tension as you go. He spends a lot of time here rubbing the oil into his skin. Use slow and steady movements.
Also remember to ask how it feels – is it too hard, too soft? Too fast, too slow? Let his pleasure be your guide. You don’t need to have a conversation (and you probably shouldn’t – it might throw him off), but definitely keep communicating during the massage. Look him in the eye and keep breathing with him.
Then, massage above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Run your hand over this spot, feeling the bone beneath the muscle and skin. Then move on to the scrotum, gently (and when I say gently, I mean very gently!) pulling and kneading his testicles. You will need to pay close attention to his answers here and encourage him to tell you what is right for him. Some men are more sensitive than others in this area and can’t stand having their testicles touched at all, while others require a stronger touch. Experiment by starting easy and increasing the intensity, rather than the other way around.
Then, move your hand down to massage her perineum. This is the area between the testicles and the anus and can be very sensitive. Pay special attention here, trying and pulling the tissues. This is a very overlooked and neglected part of the male anatomy and most men feel great pleasure when it is stimulated. You can use downward strokes from the Lingam to the anus or a circular motion. Vary the speed and pattern and ask for feedback often.
Now you can move your hand to touch his Lingam. As you do this, imagine that you are making love to a god, a divine being, and this is the source of his energy and light, this hard penis in your hand. Worship it when you start stroking the shaft with different pressure and speed. Let him feel all your devotion and love in your movements. He is your god here on Earth and this is your opportunity to show him that.
If at any point your man seems close to ejaculating, you need to back off immediately and let things settle down before starting again. He will need to be more aware of his own bodily sensations during this time and should give you feedback. If he thinks he’s close to ejaculation, he should tell you so you can slow down. If it passes the point of no return, it’s ok. If it isveryclose but not quite there, you may be able to hold back his ejaculation by pinching the tip of his Lingam between your thumb and forefinger. You need to squeeze very firmly and hold for about thirty seconds. Encourage him to take deep belly breaths while you do this and it may slow him down.
Now, while massaging the penis, begin to gently squeeze his Lingam at the base with your right hand and pull up, sliding completely. Then do the same with the left hand – grasp the Lingam at the base and pull up, sliding completely. Then do this again with the right, then the left and so on. Then, after a while, change the direction – swipe your hands alternately from top to bottom towards the base.
You should pay special attention to the tip or head of his Lingam. Hold the Lingam by its tip and gently shake it back and forth. Then massage the head well, holding it in the palm of your hand and making a “squeezing” motion (like squeezing a lemon or an orange) all around.
Another thing about Lingam massage – because it’s not necessarily about reaching orgasm, you may not be fully erect all the time. It is perfectly normal, and in Tantra, it is actually preferable. Women experience the same rise and fall of arousal in waves as well – it just doesn’t have such tangible measurements. Let him stiffen or ease as his pleasure increases or decreases. The more he does this, the more in tune he will be with his own arousal.
Move from Lingam to testicles to perineum and back again, paying close attention to his response. A man can learn to control his ejaculations more effectively with this technique as you massage him and he learns to identify the cues his body is sending that orgasm is imminent. Remember to keep pulling back if he gets too close to ejaculation by moving your hands to a more distant area like your perineum or even your thighs for a while.
The next place to explore is the male “Sacred Place”. You can do this in two ways. The first way is to locate the spot halfway between the testicles and the anus, which creates a small indentation, about the size of a coin. You should be gentle here, (gently at first, and increase the pressure as she likes, that’s always a good rule of thumb) but start pushing in with your finger. You will feel some kind of pressure and it may even be painful at first.
The other way to access the sacred place is through the anus. Some men are sensitive about inserting something into their anus and don’t want to be stimulated that way, and that’s okay. If it’s open, you can insert your left index finger (use lube!) slowly and gently into the anus about a cm or so. Then bend your finger in a “come here” gesture, and you’ll feel the prostate. This feels good when massaged and some men like to have their Lingam massaged at the same time.
Like a woman’s G-spot (her sacred spot), it can hold strong emotions that can be released as you massage it. Whatever comes up is normal, just let him experience the wave of emotions without trying to comfort or save him. Keep pressing in there, allowing it to release whatever it needs.
The male sacral point is also another way to help control ejaculation. If he starts to feel close, you can decrease the stimulation on the Lingam and increase the stimulation in the sacred site, either anus or perineum, and it should help decrease his immediate need to orgasm.
If he wants to ejaculate at the end of the massage, that’s fine. If he doesn’t, that’s okay too. If he chooses to ejaculate, keep reminding him to take deep, deep breaths, even during orgasm. It will probably be more intense than most orgasms she has experienced. When it feels complete, slowly remove your hands. Ask for her feedback – some men like to curl up afterwards, but some prefer to go into a meditative state. Let him do what he wants.
I love worshiping a man’s Lingam, devoting myself entirely to his pleasure, feeling the power within him as he learns to control his own ejaculations. I hope you can give your man your devotion and love through this massage and show him how much you adore him and his “Wand of Light”.
