How to do a Yoni massage
I once had the incredible experience of one Yoni massage a night for a week. As a woman, if you’ve never had one, I highly recommend it! I discovered places within myself that I didn’t know existed, deepened my connection with my partner, and learned how to be the receiver of pleasure in the moment. It’s an amazing process and I hope I can convey the profound power of this sacred act to you so you can learn how to give the woman in your life this kind of experience.
“Yoni” is another word for vagina, but its meaning goes far beyond the physical. The word was first mentioned in the Kama Sutra, and its meaning is loosely translated as “sacred shrine” or “sacred space”. When spoken of in tantric terms, the Yoni becomes the sacred doorway to the Goddess, an aspect of the divine. This was a place of worship and the purpose of the Yoni massage is just that – to worship the sacred temple that is the Yoni.
Feminine means pleasure, and this massage helps a woman tap into and understand her deep connection with bodily pleasure. This massage is not so much sexual as sensual, meant to promote relaxation and openness in a woman. Orgasm is not the goal, although orgasm can occur during a Yoni massage and can be more intense and expansive and deeply satisfying than other orgasms.
The person doing a Yoni massage is a witness to the beauty of all that is feminine. You, as a massage therapist, worship at the sacred temple of the Yoni. Remembering this and connecting to the Greater Feminine through your partner throughout the massage will make it a more powerful experience for both of you. Touch her as you would touch a goddess – with reverence, awe, respect and great love.
Preparation
Bathing together is a beautiful ritual to participate in before a Yoni massage. You can start the process of worshiping long before you touch the Yoni. Use essential oils in the bath – lavender is a wonderful relaxant. Wash her hair. Dry her body after bathing and moisturize her skin. Make sure you’ve both been to the bathroom before you start because you won’t want to interrupt the flow if one of you needs to use the bathroom.
You need a quiet space, preferably dark, with a bed, or a mattress on the floor, or even pillows. You can put a sheet over them, in case you spill any oil. The temperature in the room should be a little warmer than normal since you’ll both be naked, so you may want to turn up the heat. Burning many candles in the room also helps generate heat and gives the room a soft glow. You’ll want to make sure you have an open window of time where you won’t be disturbed, preferably a few hours. Remember to turn off all your phones, and if you live with others, you can even put a Do Not Disturb sign on your door.
Music is good for setting the mood, but make sure it’s something in whichall the songs are appropriate. There’s nothing quite as annoying as a discordant piece of music suddenly playing when you’re trying to relax. Make sure the playlist has a “repeat” feature so you don’t have to stop to press “play” over and over again.
You can also go so far as to have fresh flowers and fruits in the room as well. These are sensual delights and will help soften a woman into her feminine nature. Soft, juicy fruits are best, especially exotic ones like mangoes and papayas, but even peaches and pears work. Feed it with your fingers, let the juices run down your chin. This flow will encourage it to flow elsewhere.
Lubricants and oils should be somewhere close at hand. Try to get leak proof bottles and use plastic rather than glass. (Knipping a bottle of massage oil over and breaking it makes a huge mess and does a lot to ruin the mood!)
If you are giving this massage, you should remind your partner that her communication with you is key. Make sure they feel comfortable making requests or comments. She should know that it’s about her comfort and pleasure (which, ironically, may make her uncomfortable at first, but that’s ok) and whether she needs to get up to go to the bathroom, or if she needs a pause, or if the room is too cold or too hot, or the touch too light or too hard, she can and should speak up and say something. This alone can be a difficult practice for some women, and you can often encourage it by asking, “Is it too hot?” or “Is the temperature ok?” just to get her into the swing of things.
The first thing you should do is breathe together. Breathing is how we make love to the divine. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe deeply into your abdomen. You should be facing each other (or standing, if you prefer). You can hold hands or hold each other, whatever makes you both feel good.
The massage begins with the woman lying on her back, usually with something under the hips to raise them a little – a pillow (cover it with a towel). She can put a pillow under her head whether she likes it or not, whatever makes her sit more comfortable. Make sure she’s relaxed and comfortable before you start, because she’ll be in this position for a long time.
You should sit between the woman’s legs, with your legs crossed. Tell him to bend his knees slightly and then let them open. You can also position her legs for her if you like. You should keep looking into her eyes and breathing with her. Remind her often of her breathing. If you find she’s holding her breath, you can place your hand on her lower abdomen and remind her to breathe from that space, to “fill her belly” with her breath. Practice this a few times before you start.
The Yoni massage begins with a slow, sensual massage of the rest of the body. Massage her legs, belly, breasts, arms. This is a long and slow process. Look at the feminine form in front of you, breathe it in – this is a goddess. I admire her with my hands, with my eyes. Advance the massage slowly into the inner thighs and pelvis until she breathes deeply from her belly and her body is free of tension and completely relaxed.
Then, and only then, should you approach the Yoni. This is a sacred act and a powerful one. You should ask his permission to enter this temple. You can simply say the words, “Can I touch your Yoni?” or you can ask more formally, “Can I touch your sacred place?” She may giggle or smile. He may have tears in his eyes. Most women have never had their bodies held in this regard and adored in this way and any reaction is normal. Take it with care, whatever it is.
If she gives you permission, pour a small amount of massage oil onvery good quality or water-based lube on the Yoni mound, only to have it drip onto the vulva (outer lips). Oil quality is important. This area of the body is very sensitive and the skin can get irritated quickly if the oil is not of high quality. (I know this from personal experience – ouch!) She spends a lot of time here rubbing the oil into her vulva. Use slow and steady movements. You can hold the entire Yoni with your hand and massage it that way too. Then focus on the outer lips: pinch each lip between your thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the entire length.
Also remember to ask her how she feels – is it too hard, too soft? Too fast, too slow? Let her pleasure be your guide. You don’t have to carry on a conversation (and you probably shouldn’t – it might throw her out of her mood), but definitely keep communicating during the massage. Look her in the eye and keep breathing with her.
Then, do the same motion over the inner lips, pinching each between the thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the length. Spend as much time as needed here – there’s no rush. Her yoni is a sacred space, and you work your way through it, fully exploring it. Admire each soft and delicate fold as you massage her.
Her clitoris should be stroked gently, first in clockwise, then counterclockwise circles. Then you should squeeze it between your thumb and forefinger and gently pull on it. You should continue to stimulate her clitoris in slow, light circles. She will probably get excited during this process, but continue to encourage her to relax and breathe.
After spending your time here, you should proceed to the entrance of her temple – it’s time to enter the Yoni. Again, you should ask her permission in whatever way feels most comfortable. “Can I enter you?” is good, as well as, “Can I enter your sacred space?” Gently insert one finger (some women prefer two, you can ask how she likes it) slowly into her Yoni. If they prefer one, use the middle finger of your right hand. If they prefer two, use your middle and index fingers.
Gently explore and massage the inside of the Yoni with your finger(s). This is a massage, remember and whileO penetrate, this is not about simulating intercourse. It’s about really discovering what she feels inside, feasting on every glorious inch of her flesh and letting her feel your admiration for her as she experiences the pleasurable sensations of her own body.
Explore its textures, its smoothness, its softness, with your finger(s). Take it inch by inch. If you come across painful and tense places, stop moving, but keep pressing with your fingers there. Women often carry years of pain, frustration and trauma locked up tightly in their Yoni, and this massage can help release them if you are patient and gentle.
You might be surprised if she starts crying—whatever her reaction is, that’s okay. It’s about letting go and letting things flow. Strong emotions may arise – fear, anxiety or even joy. Encourage her to let them flow through her as you continue to massage the inner walls of her vagina. She may also experience tingling or warmth in those places where there was once tension. This is also normal. Keep breathing together.
If you only used your middle finger, now insert your finger between your little and middle finger and, palm up, put them as far as they will go inside. Now, bend your fingers in a “come hither” gesture – bringing them back towards your palm. This is the G-spot area (it is the “sacred place” in Tantra). It can be very sensitive and feel different from the vaginal walls, soft and spongy to the touch. You’ll know you’ve found it because most women feel the urge to urinate when it’s first stimulated, or some may experience a kind of burning sensation, or some women find it immediately very pleasurable. She continues to focus here on this spot, varying the speed and pressure to her liking. Don’t forget to keep asking for feedback.
You can use your other hand or the thumb of your right hand to start stimulating the clitoris. You want to start rousing her to an even greater state of arousal. You can also, if she is submissive, insert the little finger of your right hand into her anus. (Don’t do this unless you already know she likes anal stimulation – this is not the time to experiment with first anal play!) In Tantra, it says that when your little finger is in the anus, the next finger and middle finger are in the Yoni- her hand, and her thumb on her clitoris, “hold the mystery of the universe” in my hand. Experience the power of that moment together, he blows on her belly. You adore her mystery as a woman.
Keep massaging her like this until she asks you to stop. She may orgasm clitorisally or vaginally, or a combination thereof. If she doesn’t tell you to stop, then don’t stop. Many women can learn to have more orgasms using this technique. Keep reminding her to breathe from her belly and remember to breathe with her. You can use your other hand to press on his abdomen as a reminder. You can also use your other hand to massage her breasts, belly or clitoris. However, you should not use your other hand for self-stimulation. If you’re a man getting a massage, you may have an erection, or if you’re a woman, you may be aroused – this is normal. Use that energy to focus on the woman in front of you, pour into her the passion and love and reverence you feel with your hands. It is a powerful gift.
You should stop massaging when she tells you to stop. At that point, slowly and gently remove your hands. Thank her for the opportunity to worship her, and then you can hold, kiss and hug if you want. If you are going to switch to another form of intercourse, I would recommend a break of some kind – go to the bathroom or go to another room to continue. You want to keep the Yoni massage about worshiping her as a goddess and you don’t want to diminish it in any way.
By doing Yoni massages over a period of time, a woman can learn a new level of trust and intimacy and a deeper connection with her body. Yoni massage can release layers of tension and allow a previously non-orgasmic woman to become orgasmic or even learn how to have multiple orgasms. Remember, this is about entering the temple of the divine feminine – treat her with reverence, deep love, respect and honor her for the great mystery that she is. If you do, you may find that the rewards are immeasurable.
